


Jonny Sins

by HeadphonesOn



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Humor, Jon is a pornstar, M/M, Multi, Porn Watching, Scars, Sexual Content, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims, bad porn dialogue, mild jonelias, no relation to real-world Johnny Sins
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:07:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23183740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeadphonesOn/pseuds/HeadphonesOn
Summary: Martin discovers Jon's secret second job.(Crack, but taken somewhat seriously)
Relationships: (IMPLIED), Jonathan Sims/Other(s), Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims, Sasha James/Tim Stoker
Comments: 29
Kudos: 89





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm stuck at home because of quarantine, so why not use it as an excuse to write dumb fics?
> 
> A friend and I were searching Jonny Sims on Google Images trying to find a picture of him and instead we stumble upon a pornstar named Jonny Sins. This lead to a lot of bad jokes about Jon moonlighting as a pornstar and I did what I do best and took a joke too far. So, uh, there's a fic now. 
> 
> This has no relation to the real-world Jo(h)nny Sins, I have no clue who he is. He's just unlucky enough to have a name I can make a bit out of.

Martin had a very innocent search history, all things considered. The internet was a tool for research to him. Occasionally he’d visit blogs, something funny to destress after tracking down traumatized recluses or one of those “faith in humanity restored” blogs when the Institute sent him on trips that made him question that faith. Incognito tabs were of little use to him, unless he was doing some digging into serial murderers or disappearances.

  


But then he’d gotten distracted watching Jon fidget with the things at his desk, which lead to Martin spending fifteen minutes watching Jon suck the clicker of a ballpoint pen.

  


Click! Incognito tab. Trying to not think too hard, Martin pulled up a porn site he remembered the name of.

  


And then Martin had no idea where to go from there.  _ Can’t exactly type in “overworked lanky archivist”.  _ Wait. Technically he  _ could _ . Keywords and all that. He hadn’t even managed to type “lanky” before a burst of shame flared up in his chest and he exited the tab. He was going to make a nice cup of tea, flip through a few catalogs, and  _ not think about his boss like that, what is wrong with you, Martin? _

  


The kettle was barely on the stovetop before Martin was thinking about the pen again. Jon’s lips were bitten, yet they looked soft. The pen was lucky.

  


Click! This time, Martin managed to get to a loading screen before the kettle started to shriek and Martin panicked, closed the tab, and slammed the laptop shut. He thought very hard about the current political climate and other unsexy things as he went about the ritual of making tea. That worked until he began to stir a cube of sugar into the cup and his mind wandered away from politics and towards the Institute. That morning, he’d accidentally put the sugar cube meant for Jon’s tea into Tim’s, leaving Jon with grossly bitter tea and Tim with a very sugary cup. Not that either of them had minded much. Tim had a sweet tooth, and Jon likely appreciated the bitter. He liked anything that would keep him standing after 24 hours straight, and bitter tea was a wake-up. Jon had actually thanked Martin for the tea when he’d handed it over. It made butterflies fill his chest and he’d spent the rest of the day with  _ thank you, Martin  _ playing over and over in his mind. At least until he’d been distracted by the pen.

  


_ God, that pen.  _ But Jon had looked so stressed at the time. If the pen hadn’t been a pen; if it had been, say, Martin’s index finger pressed to Jon’s lips, Jon would not looked stressed. He wouldn’t be focusing on statements, but on simple pleasures and weightlessness and  _ Martin.  _ He’d look up at him in silent desire and-

  


Click! Martin pushed all his shame, fear, self-disgust to the very back of his mind and locked it away. It was better to have a quick wank and get back to life as per usual than to think about his boss’s mouth for the rest of the night. He threw the tags into the search bar and clicked search.

  


And “archivist” was not a tag. Martin really should’ve expected that.  _ What are porn tags, even? Physical descriptions?  _ He added “male”, “dark hair”, and debated for several minutes whether “small” was fitting. Jon was definitely on the smaller side. Martin decided it was fitting. Last minute, he threw in the tags “stubborn” and “relax”. They seemed helpful.

  


Martin was surprised to see quite a few pages of content. Porn was a strange beast; it was so direct and filthy and  _ uncomfortable  _ at times, but very enticing. He scrolled quickly, keeping his eyes open for fitting titles or images. He’d made it through two full pages where nothing seemed to be what Martin was looking for before-

  


He hadn’t even meant to stop in that particular place; his hand got tired of scrolling and the screen stopped on a random series of videos. Martin was taking a sip of his tea when his eyes caught on a name right in the middle of the screen- "Jonny Sins".  _ What a coincidence! "Jonathan Sims", "Jonny Sins".  _ The similarity brought back the surge of guilt ( _ If Jon knew… _ ) but Martin pushed on. With another glance, he saw that the title read "Jonny Sins: Office Blowjob”.  _ Dreadfully uninspired.  _ Was it too much work to think up a better title? How busy was Jonny Sins? But Martin sighed and clicked the video.

  


And was immediately met with his boss’s face.

  


_ No, there is no way-  _ and the camera zoomed out and Martin saw the familiar, healed-over circular scars on his neck. The scars left by Jane Prentiss. Unless he was a Jon-look-alike who had been coincidentally also attacked by worms, that was Head Archivist Jon Sims filmed furiously signing papers at an unfamiliar desk. In a porno.  _ This has to be a lookalike.  _ Martin leaned in, like that would help him determine if Jonny Sins was, in fact, Jon Sims. The camera was very focused on the way Jon(ny) fidgeted, dramatically stressed. His hands worried his shirt collar, moving down to pop a button on his snug-fitting vest.  _ Who does that when they’re stressed?  _ It was obviously done to show Jonny’s collarbone. A very nice and prominent collarbone, maybe too prominent, skin not exactly smooth but soft. Very Jon Sims. With each passing second, it was harder for Martin to believe that he wasn’t watching his boss slowly unbuttoning his vest.

  


When the vest and shirt were discarded, the camera and Martin took in Jonny's torso; far too thin and strangely smooth. It was hard to imagine Jon with a skincare routine. But his torso was also covered in the small scarred circles that marked him as  _ Jon. His boss.  _ Martin was completely dumbfounded as he watched his boss crack his back over the chair shirtless. The camera played to Jonny's best features. The scars didn't detract at all.

  


_ Knock knock.  _ Martin momentarily panicked, jumped up and was halfway to closing his laptop when he realized the knocking had come from the video. Jonny Sins was going for the door, looking stressed (that was very Jon). When he opened the door, he spoke for the first time.

  


"Who is it?" asked Jon Sims. There was no doubt with that tightly-strung tone of voice. And  _ god,  _ if that wasn't the greatest sound Martin had ever heard. His voice was so breathy, with an attempt to stay composed. Like he was trying to hold back how needy he was. Martin had (shamefully) imagined the same scenario many times, but now it was realized. On the screen, the door opened.

  


The scene changed and suddenly Jon was back in his chair, still shirtless and even more uncomfortable. In the background, a deep and almost familiar voice started droning about paperwork and responsibility.  _ Who does that sound like? Is everyone in the Archives a pornstar except me?  _ Martin had a habit of worrying. The shot changed to show the guest walking around to place his hands on the back of Jon's chair and lean to his ear and-  _ oh my god it's Elias. _

  


But it wasn't Elias. The man was too large, had differences in facial features. A little more traditional masculine pornstar and less subtle creepiness. But the similarities were there. Martin couldn't help but see them. He had the same haircut, same demeanor, same overpriced-casual blazer look. Most notably, he was Jonny Sin's boss. A boss stressing him out and standing a little too close and referencing spreadsheets. It seemed too close to home.

  


Jonny Sins was ignoring the Elias-clone and pushing himself further back into the chair, hands fidgeting uselessly on the desk. The camera for some reason chose to focus on Jon's hand snatching up a pen and twirling it between two fingers. Martin was reminded of the ballpoint pen from earlier. To his shock and undeniable excitement, Jon brought the pen to his lips and parted them.

  


Jonny Sins was much more dramatic than Jon Sims. He looked like he was actually giving head to the thing, eyes closing peacefully. Martin's pants felt tighter all of a sudden.  _ What is wrong with you, it's just a pen- _

  


The Elias-clone suddenly leaned down and wrapped a hand around Jon's bony one, guiding the pen. He made a dramatic tutting sound as he moved at a slower pace. Jon's eyes fluttered and he relaxed into the motion.

  


"Poor thing," whispered the Elias-clone, "I didn't realize you were that desperate." 

  


When Jon moaned in response, Martin choked on his mouthful of tea. He  _ sounded  _ that desperate. And in his mind, Martin could imagine Jon there with him, wanting  _ him  _ and not some discount Elias. He watched with bated breath as the pen slowly slipped out of Jon's mouth, parting his lips and showing a flash of tongue. The Elias-clone made an approving noise and gently took the pen away. Martin's hands trembled around his cup of tea when Jon leaned in for a kiss. Martin, pushing all shame to the back of his mind, reached down and undid the zip of his trousers. On the screen, Jon was rushedly doing the same for the Elias-clone. 

  


Martin's hand was just about to slip below his waistband when-

  


"It's so big…I need it inside me. Now."

  


Even the hunger in Jon's voice couldn't save that horrible line. Martin grimaced, withdrawing his hand. He wondered if Jon wrote the scripts.

  


The Elias-clone was not affected by the dialogue choices and pulled his cock out, tapping it to Jon's cheek. And-  _ fuck _ , Martin brought his hand back -Jon cocked his head to get just the right angle and-

  


Martin lasted two minutes. Afterwards, under the harsh stream of the industrial showerhead his flat came with, his mind swirled. That man, Jonny Sins, that had definitely been Jon. Which meant that Martin had actually watched his ornery, old-fashioned boss giving a dramatic and rather sloppy blowie.  _ Jon, of all people!  _ Well, Martin had no right to judge Jon for his choices outside of the Institute, or even in it, really. Adult film was hardly the worst business to get into. It was just-  _ Jon.  _ The man had given Tim a telling-off for wearing a tank top on dress code technicalities. It just wouldn’t click in Martin’s head that the man offended by his assistant’s bare arms was the same man drooling over cock on camera. But it was Jon.  _ Oh god, it was Jon. I wanked to video of my boss.  _ Martin buried his face in his hands and shoved the shower valve to its coldest setting.

  


After the miserable shower, Martin wrapped himself in a fluffy towel, changed into clean pyjamas, and crawled into bed. No reason to dwell on the video. It was none of his business, and he would keep a respectful gap between his work and private life. He just, wouldn’t think of Jonny Sins. He definitely wouldn’t look up anything more. No, Martin Blackwood was going to get a good night’s rest and wake up refreshed and renewed.

  


He made it two days.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Martin gives in. Worms are mentioned. Tea is stolen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in it now, folks. I wrote another chapter. Hopefully my bullshit can make someone laugh a bit.

Looking back, Martin wished he had cracked anywhere other than work.

It was just that the day was dragging along endlessly. Jon had sent him links to a few historical events to look into, but Martin didn't have the best of research skills and his efforts were fruitless. After giving up on that, Martin tried to busy himself with smaller office chores- made tea for the Archives, straightened up his work space, washed the mugs in the sink, made tea for the Archives, began to file his emails, had a chat with Sasha, made tea for the Archives-

“I appreciate the refreshments, Martin,” Tim said, “But I’d like a minute between cups. I’m not  _ that _ thirsty.” Tim set the newest cup of Twinnings next to the still unfinished one from earlier. Martin looked down.

“Sorry,” he muttered, “Is it just me, though, or is today exeptionally dull?”

Tim gave him a look that said he very much agreed. “ _ God _ , I know. I feel like Jon just gave me busywork.” He leaned back in his chair. “I’m making the best of it, though. I’m essentially getting paid to watch Youtube today.”

When Martin was back at his own desk, he decided to take Tim’s outlook and kick back. The problem with kicking back, he soon found out, was it led to boredom. And boredom led to thinking. And thinking led again to Jonny Sins. 

Martin had been good. He hadn’t looked up any more videos, hadn’t even searched the name.  _ But it is just online for the public,  _ Martin’s traitor brain provided,  _ the whole point is for people to watch it.  _ But no, he couldn’t watch. It was Jon _.  _ But then again, it was  _ Jon.  _ Martin buried his head in his hands and dropped his hands onto his laptop keyboard. When he lifted them again, he saw that he’d searched “jlkojhjjuuuuu”. As he went to delete it, his cursor hovered over the little dropdown menu. Martin looked around. The room was in a state of calm isolation. The others wouldn’t be back till lunch was over.  _ I’ll just find information on him, I won’t even watch a thing.  _ And he searched.

It only took a moment to get to Jonny Sin’s profile on a random adult website. The first thing Martin noticed is that were a  _ lot  _ of videos. Jon had obviously been working a while. The second thing he noticed was that bad and boring titles seemed to be a theme. “Sex on desk”, “Handjob Under Table”, "Oral With Assistant"-  _ god, these are atrocious. _ The thumbnails were tiny and offered little to go on, so Martin began reading the tags. Other actors were listed, and a bit of scrolling showed a lot of the same names. There were men and women, Martin noted.  _ He may not even like men, though. It is all acting.  _ As if Jon would like Martin either way. 

Shaking off the self-loathing spiral that was sure to come, he went back to scrolling. Most of the videos had office settings, but one stood out entirely- it was just titled "Worms!"  _ Oh god.  _ Martin quietly hoped he wasn't about to witness eroticized worms and clicked.

Jon stared into the camera wearily. "This is  _ far  _ from my usual type of content, but I felt obligated to give an...explanation for my state." The circular scars on the side of his face looked bright and raw, like they had soon after the attack. Jon sighed.

"But I am aware that this is an adult website made for adult content. So as a compromise I will do this naked."

Martin let out a little squeak as the camera changed to a very naked Jon. He looked- well, he looked amazing. Lean, with his long legs splayed out and his cock soft between them. Less beautiful were the fresh scars scattered on him, and the bandages likely hiding clusters of them. Jon folded his legs and looked into the camera.

"I hope my appearance isn’t too...off-putting. I’ve been told the scars will eventually be less visible.” Jon lounged back and stretched extremely dramatically, sighing in pleasure, before turning back to the camera looking serious.

“There was an infestation at my day job a few weeks back. Screwworms, I believe. I- well, they got violent. The building was fumigated and the infestation stopped but they attacked me and a few other employees. I am luckily going to recover, but I am going to have these scars for the rest of my life. Hopefully, this will not stop any of you from watching. I have a video planned with Finn Bear next weekend.” And the video ended.

Martin stared blankly at the screen. That had been...interesting. There were many strange things about the video, Martin could write a whole list, but what stuck out to him was that Jon seemed like he was speaking to a  _ fanbase.  _ Like there were people out there specifically seeking out Jon. The thought shouldn’t have made Martin jealous, but-

“Worms, amiright?”

Martin shrieked, slamming the laptop shut and spinning to face the intruder. To Martin’s horror, Tim smiled back at him.

“Woah, didn’t mean to scare you, mate,” Tim said, pulling up a chair like he was invited, “Though I’m not sure why you’re watching Jon’s double life with your back to the door.” Martin scowled.

“I didn’t- I wasn’t watching- I mean I was, but I wasn’t watching to- you know-”

“Okay, okay. Just...browsing, then?”

“Yes! Well, sort of,” Martin sighed, then turned on Tim. “Wait, how did you know about this?”

Tim gave him an incredulous look.

“I’ve known for months. Jon’s stuff’s not popular, but there’s a lot of it. Stumbled across it a while back.”

_ Months?!  _ Martin stared. He must’ve looked as shocked as he felt, since Tim gave him a sympathetic pat on the knee.

“I’d have told you but there’s not an appropriate way to recommend pornos of your boss, you know? Though now that you know, give ‘Performance Review (Sex)’ a look.”

“I’m not going to- to watch them! I was just curious, is all!” Tim looked doubtful, but shrugged.

“Of course not. They are a curiosity though, aren’t they? The writing...well, you did see the titles. Turns out Jon writes everything himself! Which is suspect, considering the setups."

"Setups?" Martin hadn't thought much of the setups. An office was an easy set to have. Tim raised his eyebrows.

"Did you see the actors?"

"Yes- oh! The Elias-looking man!" Tim laughed and grabbed the cup of tea off Martin's desk.

"Playing his boss, to top it. And he's not the only one- I'm telling you, he's using his real life as inspiration."

"He's- he's  _ what?! _ "

"Now, I don't think he means to be a creep. I just don’t think that man has an imaginative bone in his body. So, a little inspiration from this boss here, a little from his assistants there-”

“ _ Assistants?!  _ You mean-”

“Us, yeah,” Tim took a swig of the tea. “Not as obviously as Elias, but I was watching it with Sasha and-”

“ _ Sasha?! _ ”

“She knows too, yeah. Anyway, I think that Finn Bear is a little based in you, mate. It’s not blatant, but he keeps making coffee for the others in the videos and...it’s a bit you.” Tim smiled at Martin. Martin’s head swam.  _ Jon based a porn setup on me? Could Jon  _ like _ me? Jon couldn’t like me! Jon writes porn about the Archives? Tim watches porn with Sasha? _

“Okay...okay. Um, any other huge surprises I’ve missed recently?” Tim shrugged.

“Not really. Oh, almost forgot, Elias knows too. But he doesn’t know we know so, shh.”

Before Martin could respond, a tinny beep sounded. Tim pulled his phone out of a trouser pocket and frowned at it. 

“Jon wants me to connect with a statement giver, and I quote, ‘it is imperative that you do so with haste’, so I’ll see you tomorrow?” Martin managed a weak wave. And with that, Tim set down the mug and stood up, gave Martin a final nod, and left.

Martin sat in a trance for ten minutes. Thoughts would come to him half-formed, before being replaced by new ones. Jon’s video, Jon’s inspirations, Tim’s knowledge, Elias, and through all his questions and wondering and shock what he finally managed to focus on was-

“That bastard drank my cup of tea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be at least one more chapter of this mess! Please let me know if I have any grammatical errors, I tend to miss those.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully posting the first part will keep me accountable for writing more. Cause there's gonna be more of this shit. Have fun!


End file.
